An Old Yet New Eulogy For The Edmonton Oilers

Editors note: I forgot I had a blog there for a while, to be fair the Oilers forgot how to play hockey for while, so we'll call it even (pause for laughter). This "eulogy" was written back in October, before the season started because I knew eventually the season would end, and I thought it would be fun. Commentary has been added in parentheses and the links are all current and updated like this one. Enjoy!

An Oilers Eulogy. Or, There Are No Surprises in Alberta

By Dan Moser

Well the season is over, and boy was it fun. I know it's not actually over, we are at game 70 but the Oilers have clinched 30th place so the season is over for them (close but not perfect). Let's be serious though, other than that brief bright spot in the middle of the season (well, the first game of the season), and the play of the rookies, this season has once again made me forget what NHL hockey in Edmonton looks like. Oh well, here comes another first overall draft pick. I hope Adam Larrson looks good in orange and blue (wouldn't be shocked to see Ryan Nugent-Hopkins picked, either way). Let's get onto it!

Forwards

Another year, another statistically disappointing year from the forwards. Once again Dustin Penner, who hit 30 goals again, and Ales Hemsky, before his injury, have proven they are the only Oiler veterans that can score consistently (If you claim you saw Ryan Jones coming you are lying). The Oilers continue to have a huge problem down the middle, Shawn Horcoff has been consistently Shawn Horcoff, and I'm pretty sure I could win a faceoff against Andrew Cogliano.

Let's try and be positive for a second though, The five games the team got out of Gilbert Brule were alright. Sam Gagner has emerged a very poor team's number one centre (I had hoped). Jean Francios Jaques has come out of his shell, played a mostly injury free season and looks to be an effective energy player (sigh, sorry).  

For me personally the biggest positive has come in former Stanley Cup Champion Colin Fraser who has stepped up and become a decent third line option for the Oilers. He plays with confidence and give 100% every night. His knack for defensive play and ability to win a faceoff have made him a mainstay on this team (Let's just all forget I wrote this paragraph).

The Rookies

Taylor Hall. Taylor Hall. Taylor Hall. The kid has skill and proved it, don't be shocked to see him step and and receive that Calder Trophy this year in Vegas (I'll blame the injury). Before the season began I often said he was the most NHL ready player on the team and boy was I right. Leading an NHL team in scoring as an 18 year old (Do you think Taylor Hall knows what POGS are?) is no easy feat, and I cannot wait to see him continue to improve and grow next season. Also despite being an Oiler, the kid just does not know how to stay down or get hurt (close). I might even buy a jersey.

Jordan Eberle has also had a great season. He hit the 20 goal mark, which is fantastic, and just think of what might have happened had he not gotten hurt late in the year (almost right). Eberle is a sniper, he scores amazing goals and has a great shot, his defensive game could use some work though.

Although he was billed to possibly be the best of the rookie, Magnus Paajarvi has had some struggles. This season was about learning the North American game for him and he is well on his way. Personally I wouldn't mid seeing him at center or possibly playing the point on the powerplay (check). His skating ability and size make him an option at both these spots.

Defence

Ryan Whitney was the bright spot this season, of course that was before his season ending knee injury (did I get that one? Was it the knee?). He is a great number two in this league and will continue to be the focal point of this back end unless a trade is made in the offseason.

Kurtis Foster was, well pretty much what we all expected. His point totals took a hit from last season, seen Stamkos? Also I can't believe he ever played on Minnesota the way he is in his own zone what oh well, you get what you pay for, At least he has that shot that has made us forget about Souray (err umm, yeah...)! Seriously though, if I have to here about his old icing injury again that's it I'll never say another nice thing about him.

Theo Peckham has been physical, which has been a nice change of pace, and Jeff Petry looks like he might be ready to play full time. Smid is the same player as he was when he was traded to Edmonton.

Tom Gilbert was out of place on this team as a number two, but the way he has played since being traded has been great for him. A change of scenery may have been exactly what he needed. Hopefully the prospect and pick the Oilers got for him turn out to be players (I wonder how I thought Gilbert could be moved. Just change his name to Penner, same thing). 

Goaltenders

This season the Oilers goaltenders didn't win them games, but they didn't cost them games either. When a team can't score, the only way they'll win is by shutout. The Oilers need some fresh goaltending stat. 

Injuries

Sure the Oilers didn't have the most man games lost this year, but the players they lost were almost all of a significant nature. Despite the great season he was having, Ales Hemsky once again had to shut down his season early because of his wonky shoulder (I thought it would be the same shoulder he hurt last season, not the other one!). Injuries to both Gagner and Horcoff made the Oilers even weaker down the middle, and with the amount of games Brule played this season, it was easy to forget he was an Oiler.

Penner and Cogliano may have played the whole season, but really with the amount of games they didn't show up for, you could just call them injured too.

Whitney, Vandermeer and Smid (close enough) all went down as well forcing the Oilers to once again call on rookies on defence who were not ready to play the NHL paced game.

Next Year

It's probably too early to call it, you know with free agency and what not, but right now the Oilers will not make the playoffs next year. There better be some improvement though, anyone remember what meaningful hockey in March feels like?

Well, at least Calgary didn't make the playoffs either (bingo).

A Detailed Analysis of the Calgary Flame's Playoff Chances

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Oiler Spill Podcast Episode 4: Enter Richard Shilling

Here it is FINALLY Episode Four

My guest is the only Flames blogger worth reading, though it's ben a while since he blogged, Richard Shilling of PST Free Hockey fame. We talk about the Flames and some other stuff, it's a fun one. Parts are dated but whatever. Also the first edition of the Boston Pizza Finger Cooking Rant, give cooking the finger tonight.




Hopefully you enjoyed Edmonton's Ipod, if your Ipod only has my voice on it.

InB4 the music was the best part.

What? An Uplifting Oilers Piece?

Spoiler: This season has not been a cheerful one for the majority of Oiler fans. I'm sure those masochists who like seeing the team lose every year are loving it. (That should probably be a link)

I have decided it is time to read something uplifting about the team. Lord knows I need it, I recently had a conversation with someone where I said I was jealous that Ted Danson's character in Bored To Death was being forced to go to a rehab facility in Arizona. Think about it a couple weeks in a nice temperature, people looking after you, making you food, telling you to take naps etc. No computer, no phone, it would actually be pretty relaxing. No drinking for two weeks? No problem. The only awful part would be eventually having to leave, and all that stupid group $hit.

Anyway I was writing about something.... here is part one of my five part or however many I feel like doing, Something Uplifting. Enjoy.

No Big Game Hunting!

Originally I had planned on doing a blog post comparing a team comprising of only 2011 UFA eligible players and then talk about if I thought that team could beat the Edmonton Oilers. After a quick look I decided that would be boring, absolutely a 2011 UFA team would beat the Oilers. Sometimes though when you look through a bag of garbage you find that one half eaten croissant and it tastes pretty good.

There are no real big fish this year that the Oilers can go for this offseason. Let me start by saying I am not one of those fans that gets pissed off when the Oilers go big name hunting because that player doesn't fit with the team or will cost too much money etc. What does piss me is when the Oilers pursue a player, hype me up on the player, and then do not get him. Waste of my time, which is not valuable (I spent almost a half an hour today making funny faces at myself in a mirror), but is time nonetheless.

Won't be happening this year though. A quick glance at the list will show you no real desirable big name free agents. Yes yes Brad Richards is at the top but I fully expect him to re-sign in Dallas so he doesn't count.

Looks like it will be a stress free no big name hunting summer for Oiler fans. The draft will come and go, maybe a small trade will be made, and hopefully some lower tier free agents are signed and they work out better than they did this season. Had I known I would have the story of Kurtis Foster's broken leg forced on me like a scene from A Clockwork Orange on a weekly basis I never would have cheered about the Oilers signing him.

There are a few smaller guys who did catch my interest, and it looks like the Oilers will have cap space and roster room, most of the bottom half of the roster is RFA or UFA. I won't talk goalies even though there are some interesting ones (Josh Harding). The Oilers are full at that position for now.

DA LIST:

Eric Brewer - This one is more sentamntal than organizational need. I was a big Brewer fan before the team traded him for he who cannot be named.

Ian White - The guy is 26 and actually knows how to move the puck. He's not having a great season and currently makes just under $3 million. Plus wouldn't it be nice to see him succeed as an Oiler after he was moved by the Flames?

Chuck Kobasew - Could be a nice addition for the bottom two lines. The guy has speed, but really that's about all he has. I can't see him getting a raise, he is currently paid  $2.33 million by the Wild.

Scottie Upshall - Edmonton guy, I think, but I don't really see him leaving the desert anytime soon. The guy is the perfect patch player, he can play in all situations. Mac T would have given anything for a player like Upshall.

Mark Stuart - Good young D-man from the Bruins organization. He'd probably be the #1 on this team right now, given the injury situation.

Joel Ward - Think of him as another Ryan Jones, he is even playing in Nashville (click this you won't be disappointed, raer). The guy can hit and skate and gives 100%, he has 3rd or 4th line written all over him.

Curtis Glencross - Maybe we can steal him back from Calgary? That would probably feel nice.

Aaron Voros - Tough customer, and played well in New Jersey and New York before becoming expendable this year in Anaheim. Could be a nice replacement for the Stortini's and Jaques of the world.

Andy Greene - A New Jersey D-man he can play defence despite being on that awful team, he is also alright on the offensive front.

Zenon Konopka - Allows us to cut ties with Steve MacIntyre who I just don't really see a need for. Also he is actually really good at winning face-offs.

Next time, we eat the NHL.

Sportsnet Fail

By Dan Moser


(Warning: This gon be ranty) This really started a few years ago. Back when I woke up early enough to watch sports highlights before I started my day Sportsnet was a decent option. The early edition of Sportsnet News featured mostly highlights and had an attractive host in Hazel Mae (sp?). Sean McCormick always seemed like an alright guy and the couple times I met him he was drunk off his ass and cheering hard for the Oilers. Darren Dreger was a bright spot in an otherwise unimpressive hockey staff. Since then things have just gone downhill.

Mae is off working for a network people watch I imagine, McCormick ran for political office, and Dreger is an insider (and a damn good one) on TSN.

For years TSN has owned the NHL Trade Deadline. Sportsnet always did a decent job of covering it though, until the year they really tried to "hip" it up and challenge TSN for the title. I guarantee the only result from Sportsnet's Trade Deadline Show in 2007 was a severe decline in viewers.

The had a pizza party.

They invited a faceless internet rumour monger (don't worry it's not a link to Eklund's site, just his Twitter account that features his phone number, why not use it?) who does not go by his own name. But wait you say, if he is faceless, how can he be shown on TV? Oh you sad simpleton, they used shadowing to cover his face!

Somehow, that did not deter them from doing a complete overhaul on programming. Why call the news show Sportsnet News when you could call it Sportsnet Connected?

We know everyone looks good in a suit, they make you look classy and professional, so Sportsnet decided they better make all their personalities look hip by wearing jeans with sports jackets, and believe me, nothing says hip more than a man old enough to be my father wearing a sports jacket, no tie, and designer jeans that he probably has to wear a girdle for just so he can squeeze into them.

Running into these guys in dark ally? No problem.

Let's talk about their hockey coverage for a moment. Their panel of experts is comprised of Nick Kypreos, Doug MacLean, and John Shannon.

I'm not entirely sure what Nick Kypreos' connection to professional hockey is. I've seen some youtube clips, and his hockeydb page and obviously his ring (I've never seen anyone so proud of a championship he had so little to do with). His lack of insight is amazing. He often speaks out of turn, off subject, pronounces names wrong and has unentertaining drawn out arguments with his cast members. To his credit, he was once a Whaler (respect) and he can speak quite eloquently for someone who made a living out of being a human punching bag.

Doug MacLean gives some decent insight as a former coach and GM. Unfortunately, he uses almost all of his air time to brag about the few success stories which occurred in Columbus during his tenure. It's mostly Rick Nash and Steve Mason. I will go ahead and create a swear jar for myself and every time Doug MacLean is on air and doesn't mention that he drafted Rick Nash I will put all of my pocket change in the jar. Then one day I'll either by something fancy for myself or waste it on a six pack of crappy beer.

I'm sure many of you, as was I at one time, are asking who is John Shannon. He is a a former producer of hockey programming. Even in the Sportsnet article announcing his hiring they use quotations when calling him a hockey man.....

...A flattering photo...

Their commercials for their hockey programming make me wish I could watch this YOP advertisement on a loop, it wouldn't be that bad after the 50th time or so.

The only thing I like about Sportsnet is the same thing I used to love about A-Channel and ITV, they show a $hit ton of Oilers games. Also I know it's a regional broadcast but I wish they would turn down the homerism, not every Khabibulin save is incredible and just because a Flames player gets knocked down does not mean the refs missed a penalty.

Homerism is what really brought me to this point. A few nights ago the Calgary Flames beat the Nashville Predators and Sportsnet went nuts. All of a sudden the Flames were not in 14th anymore and 5 points out of the playoffs (just going to assume they don't have tie-breakers). The coverage was all Flames to make playoffs over and over again with no mention of games played (they have the most of the non-playoff teams). Could the Flames make the playoffs? Sure. Will they? I doubt it. In my opinion, despite this hot streak, the Flames are simply a much worse team than many of the teams above them in the standings. This is like deja-vu. In December for some reason all of Edmonton was abuzz about the playoffs, how's that looking now?

It gets worse: "And coming up after the break, the Calgary Flames on the verge of hosting a playoff game after a huge win against Nashville?"

Anyway, my point is unless you are a soccer fan who thinks he is smarter than everyone else I don't knw why you would watch Sportsnet on a regular basis.


At this rate, I'm just not going to be watching any sports television pretty soon (If you don't know about me and The Score just watch this petty I know, maybe next year).

In other news, The Official Oiler Spill Podcast will be airing soon, Episode One will feature host The Real Dan Moser speaking with Montreal Canadiens Insider Etai Handman. Look out for it probably tomorrow.

A short web series is also being developed for the kids from Oiler Spill, tentative title: 10 Good Minutes.

So in closing:

Some Kinda Post

What exactly is heat vision

The NHL guardians project is dumb. I know its not supposed to be for "me", but will little kids really get into it? I have a feeling this will all be by the wayside in about seven months. Also, they got The Flame all wrong. They made no mention that he is on the wrong side of 30, makes more than $3million a year, and has a no-movement clause through 2014.

Today, I want to talk about the internet. I have already made a post at my old blog about how the internet kicks ass, specifically how it is a harbor of stupidity. This is required reading.

If you read my last post about the Jay Feaster Twitter account, hopefully you've already checked out the feed, because some pretty funny shit has been coming out of it lately. However, there is always a problem when running a joint account with someone else. People simply have different ideas of what is tasteful or not (I'm sure Jay Feaster has never had a problem with taste (too easy)). Anyways, when this tweet got sent out, I thought the account was sunk. This was sent out after the Flames last game where they were whipped 6-0 by the Minnesota Wild and Cal Clutterbuck scored a pretty soft goal:

Ooooh. There's something about telling Theo Fleury to kill himself, while he is in the United States filming a documentary about his disaster of a life, that sets off warning bells in my head. I really thought this was going to be the end of the JayFeasterGM account. There is no way that Fleury could take this seriously any longer.

Alas Flames fans, our childhood hero, is an idiot:

Alright. So looks like the whole "take your life" thing is water under the bridge. I guess I would do the same if I was in Theo's shoes. I mean, the guy still feels he can play in the NHL. If the GM of the only team I had a (barely) realistic chance sent that to me, I would probably try to laugh it off. Well, with that whole issue settled, I decided to have some more fun with the Feaster account. Remember, what people write on top, is what they originally say. Then the Feaster tweet on the bottom is the response to them:

I've been using that joke about the patches on the Flames' jerseys for quite some time now. As a matter of fact, I'm almost positive I stole it from someone else. Oh well. Now, I really was being helpful here. I was hoping that the girl (Vickie) would see the tweet, get her question answered, and her curiosity fulfilled. But, she had to go bragging to everyone about how the General Manager of the Flames ACTUALLY tweeted back at her!!

So readers, a question. Who is more gullible, Theo Fleury or Carolina fans?

Playing With Fire

If you are a Flames fan then by all accounts you should have been a Theo Fleury fan in the 1990s. I don't need to explain this. The little guy was the face of the franchise in a time of uncertainty for Calgary, and he certainly made his mark on the franchise felt, as until recently he was the Flames all-time points leader.

But as documented, he went through a rather serious fall from grace. His career took wrong turns in Colorado and New York, before blacking out in a Chicago nightclub in 2003 and ending his career. He then wrote a book called Playing With Fire which was his life story, and I didn't read it but I gather the big selling point is how he can attribute all of his life's failures to being sexually molested by Graham James when he was playing junior hockey.

One thing that Fleury likes to do is a lot of public speaking, because he wants to reach out to troubled people and try and give back to communities. The picture above is evidenced of that as I heard him speak when I was in high school. I was particularly impressed with him because he was more than willing to pose for a picture with us as opposed to Mike Vernon, who more or less told us to eat shit before eventually obliging.

What a cock

Anyways I guess Fleury really like reaching out to fans, and there's no better way to reach out to fans and promote your book than through Twitter. 

Now, myself and David Tucker have recently created a fake Twitter account on behalf of Flames Acting General Manager Jay Feaster, who I have had fun with on this blog before. Most of the time when these accounts get found out, they are shut down or made to explicitly state that they are a parody. This is how our fake Jay Feaster describes himself on Twitter:

There is seriously no way that anyone could consider this real. He makes a fat joke in his own description while taking a shot at the guy who hired him before. I recently took a look at who our followers are, that is, the people who actually choose to see what we write from this account. We have nineteen followers. One of them is Theo Fleury. Why is this worth something? Because Fleury only follows seventy-eight people, and most of them are hockey guys. 

Not to mention, most of the people the fake Jay Feaster is following are jokes about him. Like, he follows Little Caesar's Pizza, and Man VS Food, as well as other fake general manager type people on Twitter. Examples of some things we have sent from this account:

JayFeasterGM Jay Feaster

Tried to make a pitch for Kyle Wellwood's diet tips. This whole waivers thing is tricky

17 Jan

 

JayFeasterGM Jay Feaster

At the urinal with Loubardias last night. Turns to me and says peeing without farting is like a hotdog without mustard. Some kinda line!

14 Jan

JayFeasterGM Jay Feaster

Bruce Boudreau thinks 10am is too early for ice cream. Fuckin' health nut

12 Jan


JayFeasterGM Jay Feaster

@ManvFood Just watched the Alaskan King Crab episode, you're a coward

6 Jan

Seriously, anyone who reads this shit and thinks its serious is simply not paying attention. So after last night's Flames loss I decided to see if I could elicit a reaction from Theo (not the first time I've succeeded):

I honestly hope that Fleury figures out this account is a joke before he walks into the Saddledome to talk to Jay Feaster about his next comeback opportunity.

The Chosen Podcast Episode Two

Here it is for your enjoyment, the acclaimed Chosen Podcast.
If you don't listen I fear you won't know what to talk about around the water cooler tomorrow.
In other news, water coolers still exist?

The Hockey Musical

I know what you're thinking.

Is this next post really going to be about the hockey musical movie that just came out?
Everyone knows that the only thing that goes better together than hockey and musicals are nuts and gum.
Even more questions race through your mind. "Why did he even watch the movie?".
Just give me a chance to explain.

I did a lot of flying this past winter break, and it was all through Air Canada. My dad used to have a line that I actually loved as a kid. "Air Canada: we're not happy, till you're not happy". That's a great one. But Air Canada has really stepped up in the last couple of years. I'm talking specifically about their in-flight entertainment system. There are touch-screen TVs on the back of every chair, which means you can pick from a pretty big library of recent movies and TV shows. Try to understand, I don't have an iPhone or anything I get to touch or play with so this is pretty exciting shit for me.

I got to pick from quite a few movies. I first watched The Matrix (1999), because that movie is such a classic and I always seem to walk in my front door right in time for the final scene. Seriously makes you contemplate the nature of reality (this is coming from the guy who got that F1 in philosophy don't forget). Had the chance to watch Dinner for Schmucks (2010), which was actually awkward to the point where I almost turned it off but it ended up being worth a laugh or two, especially at the end. Everything Paul Rudd touches turns to gold. Finally I watched The Social Network (2010), which I was stunned they even offered considering the movie came out like 20 minutes ago on DVD. Didn't really like it. Apparently I don't understand normative criteria for rating entertainment, because I didn't like that movie and everyone lost their shit over it, but the albums Lateralus by Tool and Metallica's Death Magnetic are two of my favorites of all time and apparently they suck. Also, if anybody reading this ever wants to make a movie about my life, can you please wait until I am dead. Thank you.

At this point I still had one more flight and another movie that I could watch. I decided for whatever reason to check out the Canadian section (sweet), and while browsing I saw that the hockey musical movie was listed. I had heard some pretty shitty reviews about this movie. Actually I'm pretty one journalist actually called the movie "gay", which is something that is not allowed in the professional world? I dunno.


Anyways, the movie starts by introducing some dude at a local rink who is challenged by an older guy to a game of 1-on-1 hockey. Loser has to pay the other guy $50. A couple things jump into my mind here: I'm no rink rat, but nobody plays hockey 1-on-1. Furthermore, if a 45 year old guy challenged me at a rink when I was 17 years old I'd probably tell him to go fuck himself. Anyways they launch into these slow motion scenes of him skating circles around the dude, and the whole time he's singing. One thing you begin to realize as the movie goes on: every song sounds exactly the same.

The end result of this intro is you've got a dude who has never played hockey, is scouted to play, but he doesn't play the way he's supposed to. The dude wants to score goals and he doesn't want to fight. His parents are educated cowards and they taught him that pacifism is the way to go. Oh yeah, he's also trying to bang his next door neighbor. This is all a recipe for a shitty movie. What really got me are the cameos in this thing. Steve Kouleas is in it, and at one point I was staring at the screen looking at Walter Gretzky. But nothing prepared me for when I saw Theo Fleury start to sing about following your dreams. I've always wanted to own a bankrupt concrete company myself. Seeing Fleury in this was funny to me for a different reason.

Before my departure, the World Juniors Canada/USA game was on and I guess everyone was watching that. The USA were the heavy favorites entering the tournament and had beaten Canada earlier in the round-robin. So Canada went out and dominated the game, and Fleury decided to show some love to his followers on Twitter:

Apparently I was the only person on the internet to see anything wrong with this, coming from Theo Fleury:

Also, the Flames play in Ottawa tonight. I wish I had something interesting to say about them but in a season where Tim Jackman has two less goals and is +9 higher than Olli Jokinen, I'd say its about time to shut the club down. The more games this team plays the more and more it looks like the Island of Misfit Mascots.

A Tale of Scumbaggery

Sometimes, there's a man, who to no ends, manages time and time again to impress you. This is a story of how I had the potential to ruin some girl's life in London Ontario last weekend. Allow me to set the scene and describe to those who have never been to London just what this place is like.

There are those that consider Edmonton to be a "university town". With that connotation, there come a few implications. Like, you can walk to a place with bars near campus, or that its generally a party school. Until this last weekend, I was in agreement with this statement. You are reading the words of a man who spent two years in Lister Residence and actually made it out alive. Lister was a party, and party hard we did.

London makes Edmonton look like vanilla yogurt. You literally go downtown into London and the amount of shit going on after two in the morning is insane. There are shwarma shops open everywhere. There is a Little Caesar's Pizza, fully stacked with Hot-n-Readys and crazy bread for every intoxicated person in all of Ontario. The whole of downtown can't be more than five or six blocks and there is a metric fuck-ton of bars open. The deals they have there are dec too. Edmonton used to have 25cent hiballs at the Union, which can partially explain my transcript from second semester first year, but those days are long gone now.

What the fuck is an F1

 
We went to some place that had $2 Jagrbombs and $2 beers. That is a ludicrous deal. At any normal establishment, you can expect to pay $5 for a can of Redbull alone. I was at the point where I literally could not contain my excitement and ordered twenty-two at once. Needless to say I don't remember much else about the night but I do know that I 1) lost my jacket 2) tried to walk home with a Hot-n-Ready and crazy bread 3) passed out in my friend's girlfriends house, who I've met like three times ever. So yeah, I was not ready for London it turns out.

Neither was this dude

 

But my story comes two nights after the house-warming party I threw for myself. As he prefers this moniker, I will refer to my friend as Cake throughout this tale. It was my last night to drink to failure and Cake wanted to go to a place called Jim Bob's, which I guess is famous for being really easy to get in if you're an underage girl. We roll up to Jim Bob's and I am wearing my best clubbing shirt:

Cake and I then have a conversation over a few casual whiskey shots:

Cake: Dude, the girls out here are so dumb. Like, watch this. Just play along.

He proceeds to call two girls over from across the bar and then engages in one of the greatest lines I've ever been a part of:

Cake: Ladies, do you know who this man is?

Girls: No.

Cake: This guy plays in the NHL on a line with Jarome Iginla and Sidney Crosby!

(I would be happy to explain something here if anyone doesn't know hockey. Jarome Iginla and Sidney Crosby play for two very different teams, Calgary and Pittsburgh.)

Girls:... REALLY?!

Cake: Yup. This is the man!

Girls: He's too short to be a hockey player (I'm like 5'8).

Cake: No no, he is the 2nd shortest person to ever play in the NHL!

Cake had the state of mind to say the 2nd shortest player ever because that's a lot harder to Google than it is the shortest player ever.

Girls: Oh my God!! Do you know Dion Phaneuf?

Me: Oh yeah, me and Dion are boys!

Like the conversation goes on like this, but I keep shooting whiskey because its like three bucks a shot and eventually my memory starts to get a little hazy. I ended up with a $5 footlong (AKA Jay Feaster's appetizer) back at my cousins place, who earlier in the day I saw for the first time in like ten years. Anyways, from 4am I made it back to Cake's place and went to bed.

The next morning:

Cake: Dude! Did you go home with that girl last night?

Me: Uhh, no.

Cake: What!! That wasn't part of the plan!

Me: ....what plan.

Cake: I assumed she lived in residence cause she looked so young, you were supposed to go with her to wherever she lived, hook up with her, and then the next morning she would brag to her friends that she just wheeled a guy who plays in the NHL on a line with Iginla and Crosby! And like everyone would start clapping and shit being like "you idiot!!"!

I wish I had been told of this plan.

The C of Red

My Big Fat GM

At the risk of enabling myself to become super lazy, I will not be posting bits and pieces of this scholarly work for days. Rather, I have uploaded it onto the internet (I don't know how this works) and if you were so inclined to download this piece of academic brilliance the link is available here. Now that I've gotten that out of the way we can get into a more serious subject: Jay Feaster's physical health.

I look at this picture and believe the only reason he is not eating the microphone is because it is neither 1. covered in cheese or 2. bacon-wrapped. What in god's name is going on with this man. Its pictures like this that make you think right away of the other big men involved with the sport of hockey. The other easiest example is obviously Big Bad Bruce, coach of the Washington Capitals, who won their first Stanley Cup last night.

If you've been watching HBO's 24/7 coverage of the Penguins and Capitals over the last month you undoubtedly saw when Boudreau takes his family to buy a "gift" for his wife at the mall he notices a Haagen-Dazs shop. The exchange goes something like this:

Boudreau: Ice cream, yipee! Its never too early for ice cream.

Boudreau's kid: Dad its not even ten o'clock.

Gets you thinking though, Boudreau was once a player. He wasn't always such a hazard to himself.

Jay Feaster though, has never played hockey in his life. He admitted that in a Calgary Herald article the other day.

Ideally I'd like to start a Twitter meme but I have like 50 followers and most of them I see every day anyways. If I had one wish though, it would be to start #feasterisfat as a trend. So help me out. Get creative. I've only got a couple so far:

Also hopefully I'll start writing more about the Flames soon, I figure this is a good start in the right direction.

My Big Black Paper: An introduction to Herbert Carnegie

If you missed yesterday's post, I am basically saying that the reason there are so few black skaters in the NHL is because of demography, not racism, although racist incidents do exist. Where will I go from here?? Let's take a look at Herbert Carnegie...

An Introduction to Herbert Carnegie

There exists scholarly works which have made, with varying degrees of success, the argument that the biggest reason there are so few black players in the NHL is due to racial discrimination. Perhaps one of the most explicit examples is the case of Herb Carnegie’s exclusion from the NHL. Herb Carnegie was a black hockey player who played for a number of Quebec-based minor league hockey teams over a career that spanned from 1944 to 1954. The Canadian Sports Hall of Fame lists him on its website as “likely one of the best ever players to never play pro-league hockey”. It should be clarified that the CSHF is referring to the lack of an NHL career for Carnegie, as he did play professional hockey in other leagues. Toiling away in the minor leagues, a breakout season at the age of twenty-nine earned him an invitation to training camp with the New York Rangers in 1948. He was offered a contract with their farm club; however it paid much less than what he could have made in the Quebec leagues, and he ultimately made the decision to continue to play hockey in Quebec.

Herb Carnegie was born on November 8th, 1919 in Toronto, as a member of the only black family on the west side of the city. As an infant, he and his family moved to a rural part of Toronto known as Willowdale. This move allowed his father, a janitor for a Toronto utility company, to earn supplemental income by growing produce and raising livestock in the country. While living in Willowdale, he and his brother Ossie played hockey on frozen ponds around the community for hours a day. Before he cracked the Quebec Professional Hockey League (QPHL), he played on a team in Timmins, Ontario, on a line with Ossie and another young black skater from New Brunswick named Manny McIntyre. As the first all-black line in professional hockey, the media was quick to coin nicknames with vivid imagery attached, such as the “Dark Destroyers” and the “Dusky Speedsters”.

Carnegie himself insists that the reason he did not make the NHL was “…not because of a lack of talent or a willingness to work hard, but because of racism”. Such a statement is a bold one, especially when it comes from a former professional athlete. It is easy enough to read this statement and conclude that this was in fact the reason why Carnegie did not make the NHL. However, when one takes a look at his career statistics, there are some very interesting numbers that surface.

Where will I go from here? Just what is so interesting about Carnegie's career stats? The man himself said he didn't make the show because of racism, how will I disprove this?? Tune in tomorrow to find out!!

My Big Black Paper

I wrote a 30-page paper on why there are so few black skaters in the NHL as compared to other professional leagues. From today on I will post parts of it as to not lose people's interest. It's a lot easier to read one page a day for three weeks than thirty pages all at once. Here is part one!!!!

High-Contrast Hockey

 

One of the most celebrated sports events in the last century is considered to be when Jackie Robinson took to the baseball field wearing the blue and white uniform of the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1948. The significance is evidenced in the fact that no MLB player can wear Robinson’s number 42 on the back of his jersey; it has been retired by every team. This move of course represented a colossal shift in attitudes towards minorities in major league sports. For the first time in its history, a Major League Baseball team would dress a black player without being dissuaded by the opinions of other members of the team or members of upper management. Such a feat, even a few years earlier, would have seemed unlikely or impossible. But with the defeat of the Nazis in WWII came the supposed defeat of the concept of racial superiority. No longer was it reasonable for a man to be denied the opportunity to play professional sports based on the color of his skin.

Certainly Robinson’s entrance into MLB paved the way for the statistics we see today. According to a 2007 article published by ESPN, non-white baseball players make up approximately 40% of the MLB. This is a trend that continues into other sports. A study done by the University of Central Florida’s Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport recently found that as of the 2008-09 NBA season, 82% of players were black. Furthermore, USA Today reported that as of 2008, almost two-thirds of NFL players were black. These numbers certainly say something about the state of ethnic diversity in major league sports today. There is, however, one glaring exception to these numbers: only three percent of NHL players are black.

Out of the seven-hundred current skaters on NHL teams, a mere thirty of them are of African-American descent. Some names are household, such as Jarome Iginla or Chris Stewart. Some are younger players, considered to be up-and-comers of their respective franchises, such as PK Subban, Evander Kane, or Wayne Simmonds. The mere presence of these fine players begs the question: where are the rest of them? Why are there so few black hockey players in the NHL?

There are two potential reasons that I intend to investigate. The first is the issue of racism in hockey. I will examine the case of Willie O’Ree and Herbert Carnegie. I intend to disprove the assertions that these men were never given the opportunities they deserved because of racism, by backing up my arguments with a thorough look at their careers and statistics. Although there exists evidence that several other retired black NHL players were subject to racism during their careers, particularly Mike Marson and Bill Riley, their cases will serve as a foil to O’Ree’s and Carnegie’s. The second potential reason that I intend to prove is that the reason there are so few black players in the NHL is an issue of demography. There are a number of reasons young black athletes do not choose to participate in hockey; among them, cost to play and lack of outreach will reign as the two which are most prevalent.


Tune in tomorrow for the next part or whatever.

Forgotten Member of The Oilers Octane Cheer Team!

With the announcement of the first NHL cheer team in Canada, the Oilers Octane, the other night we at Oiler Spill noticed that when constructing the website for the team one member was left out. I assume it is an age thing; at 34 Shelly is the oldest member of the team (though not by as much as you'd think. I'm no expert but at 29 years old would you consider yourself a lifer in the cheerleading industry?). We took it upon ourselves to give Shelly her own bio page, because let's not forget, she is a member of this team too!

ABOUT SHELLY
Age: 34

Occupation/Post-Secondary program: I am a professional hockey player but unlike a lot of American Hockey League players I don't need a summer job, I make way more money than my peers ;) I'm not studying health care like most of the Octane girls, but you could say I have a lot of experience in that field, especially physical rehabilitation.

Hometown: Elk Point, AB.

Hobbies: Riding buses, punching helmets, taking slap shots, having constant, like every second, communication with team officials while I sit in a hospital bed watching old Baywatch reruns.

Why you love hockey: I guess you could say I love hockey, I mean even though I'm way better than everyone on my team I continue to play even though I know I will not be back in the NHL this season. So maybe it's not that I love hockey, it's that I like getting paid. To be honest I'm still shocked someone was willing to pay me this much ($5.4 million NBD) to play 40 games a season!

Life Lesson: Word is bond. Contracts may be guaranteed but that doesn't mean you can't find ways around them!

Favourite thing about Oil Country: I love how passionate the fans are! I mean when I first arrived they treated me like I never left since I did grow up in Oil Country, now they treat me like they never wanted me to come home. I still don't get what I did wrong :(

Dancing/Cheerleading since: Age 3

Highlights of your dance/cheer experience: Ummm definitely the 2007/08 and 2009/10 seasons. I only got to play 26 and 37 games in those seasons so that gave me a lot of time to practice and work on my moves. Oh yeah and of course making the Oilers Octane Cheer Team. Muuuuuuah!

Cool fact about Shelly: I played Junior hockey in Prince George (bbbbbrrrrrrrrr!). Me and my friend Marty own a restaurant in Montreal. I have a really hard slap shot. I was once married to a former Baywatch hottie. On December 3, 2008, the Stars' broadcast team called me a "Studly Wonderbomb," so yeah I know I'm a hottie! KTHXBYE!

In response to Eric Francis

This was Eric Francis' tweet last night after the Flames squandered a two-goal first period lead and eventually came out on the positive side of a 3-2 overtime decision. Quite frankly, I see where he is coming from, but it is a little immature. It's no secret that just about anybody who watches more than 25 Flames games a season has been calling for someone's head. Because we all pay to watch the Flames, we're all hockey experts, but our opinions differ. Some want Darryl fired, some would prefer Brent. Some would like to see Ken King get the axe. Personally I think Harvey has got to go.

From the article published today (link here) it is hard to tell which Francis would prefer. But at the root of the tweet is the thought that winning games will only hurt the Flames, because this is not a team that is built to be competitive. Realistically, I'd have a hard time defending that.

You can see its pretty ugly. Obviously Calgary is at the bottom of the Western Conference. If you only looked at this, it might be reasonable to think that Calgary could have a shot at a lottery pick. To those who don't know, a "lottery pick" is considered to one of the top five picks in the draft. The bottom five teams in the league all enter a "lottery" at the end of the season. The team who wins the lottery gets the first overall pick, then the second, and so on. The worse your team does, the better chance they get at winning the first overall pick.

Calgary is (as good as) last in the West. Two points up on the Oilers, but the Oilers have two games in hand etc. It might be reasonable to speculate that because of their standings in the West, this would transfer to a league-wide status. The case is otherwise:

These are the standings for the bottom half of the league. As you can see, Calgary would need to finish between 25-30 to get a lottery pick. They are currently in 22nd place, but more importantly, you need to consider the facts. Realistically, although the bottom five teams all have a shot at the first overall selection, its only the bottom two teams that actually get a chance as the lottery is weighted. I think 30th has a ~44% or something like that, then 29th has around ~20%. Really don't feel like Googling it.

The Devils and Islanders are done. Nobody is going to touch the mess that is going down on Long Island.

My point is: the Flames aren't going to finish below either of these two teams, and therefore won't really have a shot at the top pick. If you're not going to shoot for the top pick, why would you try to lose? They might as well come out and be competitive every night and at least give people a reason to watch the team play.

This is now on Youtube:


(so is this one)


I agree that management needs to be held accountable for their actions. But until there is a real plan in place, in terms of what direction and what kind of structure this franchise is going to have, nothing should be done. I'll still watch Calgary play every night. Does that make me an irrational consumer? Maybe. I won't let that bother me though. I still know that night in and out the Flames have a chance to win every game they play. Its the hope that keeps me coming back for more.

 I'm going to Flames/Leafs on Thursday night. I am really unsure what to do about Phaneuf. The first thing I thought was to boo him. But then I sat back and thought about it. He didn't really do anything to Calgary, or to the Flames, to hurt them. I mean, Darryl Sutter straight up lied to his face. He issued a press release that said Dion Phaneuf would not be traded, then traded him like ten days later. Looking back at that trade is absurd now. Mayers is gone, Stajan is a healthy scratch, and White got traded for Babchuk and Kostopolous. So that trade was pretty much Phaneuf and Keith Aulie for Nik Hagman. My god.

I'll be posing the question on Twitter, so tweet at me with suggestions (@rshillin). Also make sure you follow @TheRealDanMoser too. When he's not writing about corsi and qualcomp stats he says some funny shit. The guy can't help it, he loves the stats.

Leenus Oh Leenus Omark

Basically I am being lazy. These videos are fun and easy to make. I find the robotic voices awesome, and I think this is how the Black Eyed Peas make music now. Really the only downside is that if you watch too many of them you start to think in that voice. It is getting weird. Enjoy.



The video was getting too long but really I have no idea how Linus Omark will do when he gets some game action. Here are some other reasons I'm not too excited:

1. The guy makes Sam Gagner look like a giant
2. The only reason he is on the big club right now is because more important players are hurt
3. Some Oiler fans are using this H.O.P.E. thing where each letter stands for one of the kids names, Hall, Eberle, etc. If hope is really four rookie forwards these fans are in for a shock. For me hope includes some d-men and a goalie.

Blog over.

Flames win game; 2004 Stanley Cup

I think we might be romanticizing that run a little bit...
Remember Alyn McCauley??