How to not get a job pt. 2

New Flames goal song

For those who made it through the preliminary bullshit of my last post and got to the cover letter I actually bothered to submit to IGN, you will enjoy this.

Actually, I might as well take some time to clear some things up:

1. This is primarily a hockey blog that focuses on the Flames and Oilers. The Real Dan Moser and I are really fans of the game though, so its not unusual to see us writing about something else hockey-related.

2. Sometimes this is where I post other things I feel like writing about.

3. I've not written in quite some time but I haven't been sitting around doing nothing. I'm working on a 25 page paper for a 400-level History of Sport in Canada class. It is fucking awesome. We got to pick our own topics, I'm writing about why there are so few black hockey players.

3a. I'm done 14 pages, which is four-thousand words. This means I only need another...four-thousand words.

3b. I'm out of shit to talk about so gimmie any ideas if you got 'em. If this paper makes me famous I won't forget who you are.

3c. I also need a catchy title (Black Ice is not good enough).

Now that we've got that out of the way, I'd like to continue with my mini-series entitled Lessons in Stupidity. Volume 1 was pretty much me making fun of myself in a cover letter I sent to IGN that should be immediately below this post. Allow me to set you up for part two of this documentary. My roommate Chris told me he had heard about a marketing internship that was opening up with the Oilers. 

This is why I chose to clear some things up at the beginning of this post: how could a Flames fan even contemplate working for the Oilers? Well its because quite frankly I love hockey regardless of who is playing it, and come on like I'm gonna get a job offer from an NHL team and turn them down...Although that wouldn't make me the first Calgarian to refuse to work for the Oilers.

Honestly, I look back at this cover letter I sent to the Oilers and just laugh about some of the shit I actually wrote in it. As always I'll provide my commentary where I see fit, and after this maybe I'll actually write something about the Flames:

Good day,

My name is Richard Shilling and I am applying for the marketing internship with the Edmonton Oilers. I am a fourth year student at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, and I will be graduating in December of 2011. I am originally from Calgary and decided to come to Edmonton to see what the City of Champions was all about. I arrived in 2007 and have yet to see a championship come through the city, although I am optimistic about the city’s chances for the future. Being from Calgary, I am a Flames fan, but that should not hinder my chances of working for the Oilers organization. Just look at Taylor Hall. If one good thing can come out of Calgary, can’t two?

My God, did I just chirp the city of Edmonton in my opening paragraph? I can only assume they threw this whole application away after that. I think the Taylor Hall line is great.

I have some experience with amateur writing; I started a hockey blog in December of 2009 that mostly focused on the Flames. Unlike many blogs, mine does not contain much statistical analysis, it is writing with a more satirical focus. Being self-deprecating while cheering for the Flames generally goes hand-in-hand. The blog that ran from December 2009 to September 2010 is http://thelightersideoffire.blogspot.com. Currently I am working on a different blogging website, this one that focuses on the Flames and Oilers. I co-run the website with a young man named Daniel Moser who interned with Off The Record at TSN this summer. That (active) blog is http://pstfreehockey.blogspot.com. Also, I recently realized the importance of social networking, and thus have joined Twitter. I can be found at http://twitter.com/#!/rshillin. 

"Being self-deprecating while cheering for the Flames generally goes hand-in-hand". This is the best sentence I have ever written. Also, follow me on Twitter.

I have experience working with children of varying abilities as I worked at a summer camp, Camp BB Riback, from 2006 to 2010. Going through the ranks of Junior Counselor all the way up to Assistant Director, I have had the opportunity to work with many different people who come from different backgrounds. 

Where to start...

a. The term "Assistant Director" is not true. I was the "Operations Manager". Which would you write?

b. Working with different people who come from different backgrounds? More like going into Red Deer to buy shit that slipped through the cracks and cleaning toilets.

c. Darryl Katz's kids went to Camp BB Riback in 2009. They did not re-register for 2010. Oops.

Applying for a marketing internship is something I’ve always been interested in, and I happened to hear about this from my roommate. If hired, I am willing commit full time from January until the end of the season or longer, even if it means putting my education on hold. I already will be staying in Edmonton for the first semester of 2011, and pushing it back to 2012 would not devastate me, especially if it meant having an opportunity like this.

I thank you for your consideration and I hope to hear back soon.

-Richard Shilling

I almost feel like I should start applying to all sorts of jobs with cover letters like these and then post them on a website like Don't Even Reply.