Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and (when not hungover) Saturday are my training days. Those are the days I take my Superpump, crush weights, run on the treadmill, then come home and absolutely shit my guts out. Let me make something perfectly clear: I love these days. That's why, when I woke up today and tried to start my car, I vowed to graduate with my bullshit history degree and get out of Edmonton as quickly as I could.

Because I had so much free time on my hand, I slayed some Spanish homework (a mi no me gusta los pantalones) and did some cruising around the internet. I was checkin' out Facebook when I saw something from the Calgary Flames Official blah blah Facebook Playstation Racing Game whatever:
I figured what the hell, I wasn't going to be doing anything between 10-12pm now that I couldn't get my pump on, might as well check that shit out. What was even better was I remembered I've got NHL Network on cable at my place, so I'd get to watch it live instead of having to stream it.

I probably got caught up googling Eminem guitar tabs or something stupid like that but I ended up missing the first hour and only started watching around 11:00am. The two dudes running the program were just talking about some shitgarbage and they kept saying that Rene Bourque and Mark Giordano were going to be running late.

Wait a minute, what?

What happened to Iginla? I was hoping to hear from the dude who just scored six goals in three games. And man, they were running an hour late already? Oh well, I figured. They would probably get some good air time anyways. Meanwhile, the boys running NHL Live were scrambling to save their broadcasting lives. Obviously they weren't planning on having to bullshit for over an hour while waiting for their guests. They opened up the phone lines where I was witness to one of the dumbest suggestions of all time.
 You love the Hawks eh? Who was their goalie in 03-04 again? Oh you don't remember?

A guy who was only identified as Rich from Chicago phoned in with his suggestion as to bring out the skills in the game. I couldn't make this up, his suggestion was as follows: if, for example, the right winger enters the offensive zone, and holds onto the puck behind the net long enough to come out the other (left) wing, the play gets blown dead and he is given a two-minute delay of game penalty.
Rich from Chicago is a dick and doesn't understand that having that as a rule doesn't encourage more skilled players to play the game. In fact Rich, it does the opposite. Did you drink a gallon of bleach before you phoned in today? Why don't we eliminate defensemen joining the rush while we're at it?

My only guess is that Rich from Chicago is over 85 years old and wants to see a return to old time hockey. Like, before you could pass the puck forward, and before goalies were allowed to fall on the ice. This is one of the stupidest suggestions I've ever heard for how to give skill-players the chance to excel. Does he even watch Blackhawks games? How many times does Patrick Kane do this a game...

By the time I finished taking mental notes so I could write about it on this site, it was around 11:30 and Chris Pronger was on the phone. He had a great line too, when the guys asked him about how he felt being 3rd in all-star defense voting behind Lidstrom and Keith. Something to the extent of, "I'd ask people go to out and vote for me but I've got a feeling a lot of cities don't like me".

So it's 11:40 and I've heard from Rich from Chicago and big bad Chris Pronger. Where the hell are Giordano and Bourque? They're only gonna have twenty minutes to be interviewed. They take a commercial break and finally, at 11:45, Rene and Gio hit the screen. They stick around and answer literally three questions: what its like being in NYC, what it was like to go 7-0 in the preseason (remember that?), and whether or not Bourque had fun at University. Then they left.

Thanks Calgary Flames, even when you're not on the ice you manage to underwhelm me time and time again.

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